豚，我是一只豚

“Once upon a dream, I was lost in love’s embrace. He was heaven-sent to me that I wasn’t meant to be......If he hasn’t shown in my life, how pale my life would be.” Alfred is accompanied by Miss Coke and having a long walk on the path in the woods. 

“And it’s not a dream anymore, I am so glad that you and him......” Miss Coke raises her tone as she couldn’t help it. After receiving a glance from the man beside. She drops down her voice, “Yup. Okay, okay. I know I couldn’t say it out loud, but you know what I mean.” 

“Thank you, Miss Coke.” Alfred kindly kisses her fingers.

Miss Coke leans on him, which makes them look so intimate to the other people. But only they would have known they are actually sharing the great joy of happiness.

 

“Ah. It’s always mirthful to see an acquaintance again.” Now they stand in front of a vast expanse of flowers. The sunshine falls upon Alfred’s blonde hair, making them more golden than ever before. “I would like to pick up some flowers here. He would enjoy them very much.” Alfred smiles when there is a HE in his words, in his life.

“It’s so romantic, Alfred.” Miss Coke lost herself in Alfred who is shaped in golden by the sunlight. She still remembers once she had a crush on Alfred when she was not knowing anything about them. Now she did realize it but that also makes her become the most intimate friend of them.

“This is for you.” Alfred inserts a violet iris between her hair, “With your witnesses, we are blessed.”

 

After spending time in a smooth spring day with a lovely lady, Alfred goes back to his home to be with his charming husband. He did ask Miss Coke stay for dinner but she needs to be back with her aunt for not leaking any secret. So Alfred sees her out and turns back to prepare for their dinner.

It is still the season for oyster. Alfred still remembers what he wrote to Edward, in the letter he wrote that said, it would be a shame if you never tasted the oyster at Ciros. Now he would never bring Edward back to London to have a chance to taste them. But for making it up, Alfred could certainly find his way.

So, here it is. At dinning room, a well-set table decorated by a little bunch of fresh and beautiful violet iris that Alfred picked up in the field today, candles are on, the well-cooked oysters are served. And a man is waiting.

 

All things in Alfred’s eyes bring him back to months ago. He was sitting in Ciros, looking at the empty chair opposite like he does now, wondering whether he would receive Edward’s forgiveness, because the last time they met ended up in a bad mood, and he didn’t want that. He was already gathering all his courage to tell Edward how true his heart to him. But Edward didn’t show up that night. He frowned a little and then closed his eyes. Of course, Alfred thought at the end, of course he would not show up for him was an engaged man. By the end of that night, he went back to the palace with an empty stomach. He couldn’t sleep well all night, but he still made it to the other morning. Then he knew the truth. The truth before he would ever tell Edward that he loved him. The whiskey burned out his internal. He was empty, again.

He was totally walking dead but still in fulfillment of his duty. Only the Maker would know how he suffered in his grief till he shared everything to Miss Coke. Christmas was near but it didn’t matter now. But when the time come, he still needed to be accompanied the royal family to pray to God as his own duty. So he prayed while he stood aside.

Dear Lord in heaven, if he is by your side, please let him know that I love him. That’s all that I would pray for.

 

One day after Christmas, that was a day off for the royal house. Alfred was wandering on the London street. The voice from heaven came to his head, “Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms, Alone and palely loitering? The sedge has withered from the lake, And no birds sing.” He stopped, and found himself exactly stand in front of House.

But before any thought came to his head, a street boy shook his arm, “Are you Mr. Paget, Sir?”

“Excuse me?” Alfred looked down.

“Paget, Alfred Paget.” The boy answered.

“Wehh, um......Yes I am. Anything?” Alfred was in a confusion.

The boy took out a folded letter from his pocket, and said, “A gentleman has asked me to give you this.”

Alfred took the letter from the boy, still in a confusion. He tried to ask the boy about this, but the boy had no sign to find.

So he opened the letter.

“Breathe.” The voice from above came to his head again.

“And breathe again.” Alfred did what it said.

“Now go get him.”

 

Alfred followed the instruction on the letter which led to a small place hidden in the city. He knocked on the door and it didn’t take too long to open from inside.

It was a mid-age man who opened the door. But he said nothing, just guiding Alfred to the depth of the house. Alfred was trembling, and was in a huge shock when he saw it clear that who exactly was laying on the bed.

“Edward!” Alfred shouted in a trembling voice. He grabbed his hand and kissed it again and again.

IT IS ALL REAL.

“I leave you to it.”The mid-age man smiled and left.

“My love, may I call you my love now?” Edward put a chuckling smile on his face like he usually did, but took all his strength now for him still in pain.

Alfred couldn’t answer, but was drowning in salty water. His tears were shed like a river, wetting out all their clothes.

“You are real, right? Tell me that you are.” Alfred caressed Edward’s face again and again, like that was the last thing that he would ever touch in the rest of his life.

“I am so sorry but this is the only way out. And I am so sorry that I had to act before I had your permission.”Edward reached his hand to Alfred’s face, intending to wipe his tears.

“Shh......No more words.” Alfred bending down, pressed a kiss on Edward’s lips.

IT IS ALL REAL.

Alfred confirmed it again.

 

After back to the palace, the think of Edward like a flood struck every inch of Alfred. He tossed on his bed. Finding himself hard to sleep, he lit the flame, and took out the letter from Edward.

The beautiful handwriting, he kissed them like he was kissing Edward in person.

Alfred my love,

Please forgive me to address you directly in this way for I couldn’t hold back any of my love to you any more. You must not know how happy I was when I was hearing from you on that day. I was ready to join you but the horrible thing happened. I shall speak no more of it for none of us could bear it again. But that miserable day turns out an opportunity for both of us to start a brand-new life. I know it was selfish. I don’t even know if you would agree with me. But I extremely desire to see your face now. Would you come to me?

Yours,

Edward

“Yours, Edward.” Alfred repeated, “Mine, Edward.”

He grabbed the letter, soon he fell asleep.

This is the greatest Christmas ever.

 

“My apologies.”Edward puts his arm around Alfred’s shoulder, leans over, and whispers in his sweet husband’s ear.

Alfred wakes as if he actually fell asleep in his memory. He looks up and receives a kiss from the man above immediately. It is soft kiss, full of tenderness.

It is hard to do them part. Not until Alfred loses his breath in Edward’s kisses, would Edward ever let him go.

“Sorry to keep you waiting long enough.”Edward sits opposite, looking into Alfred’s eyes.

Alfred blushes as usual, losing himself in husband’s enchanting smile. He pours out a drink to them both, and raises his glass.

“To love.”

“To love.”

 

Edward is so surprised that his husband could cook the oysters so wonderful. It is speechless! “It would be a shame if I never tasted the oyster made by your hands.” Edward speaks to Alfred, with his symbolic glamour smile.

Alfred blushes even further. He keeps dealing with his own plate and Edward would like to give him a break for saving those poor oysters.

“How is Miss Coke? I thought she would join us for dinner.” Edward asks.

“Lovely as she’d always be. I would like to bring her home tonight but she needs to return to her aunt.”

“Such a pity. She would be impressive if she could have a taste of these oysters.”

“But they are served only for you, my dearest husband.” Alfred winks.

“Woo-ohh. Then I could never waste any drop of them.”

They laughs again, enjoying themselves in this peaceful dinner.

 

At the night time of early spring, the light breeze is blowing. Edward stands at the balcony. He wants to have a cheroot so bad but it was banned by his husband who claimed it wasn’t good for his body recovery. But then he made a bargain, with his darling, that whenever he wants a cheroot, he would have a kiss for it instead.

“Hey! It is not fair!” Alfred pretended to be angry.

“I know it wasn’t. It wasn’t fair at all.” Edward was able to walk again but he was still very week, so Alfred helped him walk and sit in front of the fireplace.

“Don’t you say that again.” Alfred held Edward’s hands, cherishing the warmth of them.

“Listen to me, my love.” Edward looked at Alfred gently, “We have to leave London, which means it would cost your position, and I don’t know if it would cost your title too. But we could find a place in North, I know people who are willing to help. We could get a job. It won’t be a tough one, I mean, it won’t be as tough as those labour work, but it will be a real job. I think it won’t be easy for both of us, after all, there will be no title to heir. I understand if you......”

“Could I invite Miss Coke?” Alfred interrupted.

Edward was confused.

“If we are heading North, hiding ourselves from the world we knew. Then, we are supposed to do it properly. We have been blessed by the Lord already. And I would like to invite Miss Coke to be our witnesses, so we will be blessed by love and friendship.” Alfred stood up, and then knelt before Edward, “Now, may I kiss my husband?”

 

Actually, after Alfred resigned from the royal house, it isn’t that bad for them both. Paget family has their own land in Scotland, which would be an excellent excuse for Alfred to take care of that land. But Edward still decides to have a job. Now he works for a newspaper, going out by day, coming home by night. Everything is just so right and nice.

Suddenly, a pair of arms surround him from behind. Edward turns around, holding him back. They share a kiss. Alfred leans on Edward’s chest, listening to his strong heartbeats. Crossing Edward’s bathrobe, Alfred fingers caress the skin outside Edward’s heart. There is a scar on it, made by that heart-missed bullet. Every night before bed, Alfred would touch and kiss it, reminding himself that don’t do anything that he will regret for the rest of his life. 

“Care to dance, Husband?” Edward purposes.

“I’d love to.” Alfred nods.

 

They dance, at the balcony, immersing themselves in the breeze from the highland. Then they touch, they kiss as if nothing could do them part.